An Ode to Joyce Byers, Extraordinary Single Mom

Now that I'm on my second viewing of the third season of Stranger Things (no judging) I'm realizing that the Duffy Brothers created the most kickass characters of women. I mean we all know the awesomeness of Eleven, sorry, El (I won't even tell you how many items I have with her image on them). Her best moment this season was by far her "I dump your ass" proclamation to Finn. I was so inspired by that adolescent moment of independence that I ordered the shirt. Then there's Nancy. Who knew she was a Linda Hamilton Junior (I still want to hug her and feed her a sandwich) but she proved she can take care of herself-and others. And don't even get me started on Robin. Aside from rocking the Scoops Ahoy uniform, the girl speaks fluent Pig Latin.

But it's Winona, I mean Joyce, that I've been thinking the most about. LOVE the expression on her face here. It's one I'm told I wear often.

Okay, can I just say that this is how I feel around most people? Not only are Winona and I the same age, she's actually an inch taller than me. Everyone feels like the Jolly Green Giant to me. I mean look at me next to my firstborn.

I can't tell you how many times I've been mistaken for one of my 5th graders. They absolutely love when that happens. They're like, "Do you know how OLD she is? Bahaha!"

Winona, I mean Joyce, also have another thing in common. We're both single moms. I've been wrestling a lot with that term and the other day read a wonderful post about dropping the labels on single parenting (mom or dad)-it doesn't matter what you call it, if you are the only parent living in the home, you are a single parent.

I've had some people tell me since I share custody (well now that they're both 18 and older they technically don't have to follow the divorce agreement but they do) with my ex, I'm technically a co-parent. True, we talk multiple times a week to discuss things and share all the big parenting decisions, but he's not here 24/7. Then there's people who say because I'm seeing someone, I'm not single, therefore am not a single parent. My reaction to those people.

Glad we cleared that up. I started to think back about my first impressions of the term "single mom." I guess it would have to be Meryl Streep in Kramer vs. Kramer (OMG, Meryl you are killing it on Big Little Lies -another post). Bonnie Franklin in One Day at a Time (okay can I just say that I accidentally met Rita Moreno who is in the new series and the woman is BREATHTAKING-I thank the universe every day for my slow aging Latina skin-along with Vitamin C and Retinol). Alice in Alice. Florida Evans in Good Times (alright, am totally showing my age here). These women were always busy, stressed, working crazy hours, worrying about their kids, trying to balance their professional and personal lives, and finding time for a relationship. Yup, pretty much my life. But there's something different about Winona/Joyce. The Duffer Brothers have allowed us to see all aspects of her.

We saw her Mama Bear fierce dedication to her kids in season 1 (not gonna lie, fell asleep during most of season 2). No one is going to mess with her kids. I totally get that. We saw how hard she works to make provide for her family. We saw how she has to deal with her loser ex (no comment, snort, #2). Then we got to see her fall in love with adorable Sean Astin from The Hobbit, or is it Lord of the Rings? Are they the same thing? (Disclaimer-I've never seen any of them. I know. Plus One's reaction was, "You've NEVER seen any of them?" I was like and you have you seen Bridget Jones? No. We're even.) Long live vodka and Chaka Khan. OMG, I could watch that scene over and over.

Back to Winona/Joyce. So we get to see her fall for adorable Bob only to see her have to grieve for him after his untimely and gruesome death. Wish I could comment more on the evolution of WJ during season 2 but like I said, I think I slept through most it.

But season 3. We get to see HER. Not just her as a mom, employee, and girlfriend, but Winona/Joyce. She was like Olivia Benson (btw do you know that the evolution of my hair is identical to that of Mariska Hargitay's? Fascinating I know) trying to figure out the mystery behind the magnets. Even I was excited by magnetism as she tried to figure it out. She proved, like Nancy, that us petite people might look frail but are are fearless. Her banter with Hopper showed that she had spunk and spark. I didn't see her as a "single mom." I saw her as a strong, and independent woman. There is no doubt in my mind that whatever season 4 brings (please, please let there be a season 4), Winona/Joyce will face it head on in her 90's Seattle grunge inspired outfit. Really, thank you Duffy Brothers for not having her in heels and a dress while kicking demon butt.

I think so many times we hear the term "single mom" and feel some degree of pity. Actually let me expand that to single parent (I know plenty of incredible single dads). I am very fortunate that I have such a good relationship with my kid's dad who co-parents with me-I realize not everyone is so fortunate. I own my home and have a very fulfilling career and personal life. It was refreshing to see a single mom portrayed as not being consumed by her dating life, finances, and work but instead getting all excited over magnetism. Magnetism. All of the single parents I know are some of the strongest people I know. Sure there are times that are overwhelming and having another person around would be helpful but I like to look at what I do have (a happy and chaotic household) rather than what I don't. None of us should be defined by a label. We're all just parents trying to love and support our kids.

So the career I should have had was picking music for tv and movies. Season 2 of Mrs. Maisel (expect MANY Midge and Susie inspired entries) killed it, killed it in this department with the closing credit songs. So did Stranger Things. I was screaming on the couch when Howard Jones came on. For whatever reason, this song popped in my head throughout the series. It would have been perfect. And being a child of the 80's, yes, I waited in a 2 hour line when I lived in Seattle to meet The Thompson Twins at Tower Records. And I never realized until now that the lead singer looks like a red headed Hugh Grant who of course we all know plays the arrogant Daniel in Bridget Jones. It always comes back to Bridget Jones. Until next time.

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