My Pop Confession: an open apology to Justin Bieber. And Taylor. And The Backstreet Boys.

Wow-so that last entry was heavy.

It feels SO GOOD to write again. I realized after finally hitting publish last night that I don't need to write more, I HAVE to write more. I'm finally ready and the only way to get where I want to get to is to do this as much as I can. It's like when you start running again-you've got to slowly build up that mileage. All day I couldn't wait to get home to write-and I honestly had 5 different ideas and didn't know which one it would be until I opened up my laptop. That's what I LOVE about this process.

Of course I had to fight the crowds at Trader Joes and Whole Foods before I could write. Seriously Steph, did you not learn anything from 2 weeks ago? Who goes at 6:00 the Monday before Thanksgiving? That would be me, the independent working mom, who is beyond excited that both chickadees will be home for the first time tomorrow together since August. But that means I actually have to feed them. No more Empty Nest live by the whim for the next few days. Of course I went hungry. Look what the Holiday Nut got this time?

How could one not buy the Mentos snowman??? And the popcorn looks organic.

Back to Bieber. Which is why when I woke up this morning at 4:45 for my 5:30 class at the gym and felt genuinely happy to go to an hour of torture on a Monday morning, I felt so relieved. And so ready to live with that joy and zest back in my life.

I'm a morning workout person. I always have been. I get made fun of a lot for falling asleep mid conversation, mid movie, pretty much mid anything at like 8:00 at night and then after a 10 minute power nap, be raring to go. Much to my defense, I'm at the gym at least 5 mornings a week at 5:30 doing things like lifting heavy weights, burpees, mountain climbers, and walking planks. While most people are snoozing, I'm sweating.

So this morning after 4 rounds of death circuits and knowing there was one more left, a Justin Bieber song came on and instantly I got my mojo back and was singing like I was a 15 year old Visco girl doing a Tik Tok video. I then listened to that song all morning. All morning. I then realized-I owe Bieber an apology.

I was pretty much a Bieber hater from the start. I'm pretty sure I had a Grammy party years back and actually had a sign out that I would pour a bucket of ice water over my head if he beat Arcade Fire. Because I am SO more Arcade Fire then Bieber (though both Canadian..OMG can we discuss my love of the other Canadian Justin).

Seriously Canada, how could you produce two terrific Justins and then give the world, Nickelback? Whatever.

Anyways, we all know how much I love music. I'd say that I'm an indie/alternative rock girl at heart-Arcade Fire, Radiohead, The Smashing Pumpkins, Alt-J, Silversun Pickups, Phantogram. And show me a depressing, acoustic, female songwriter that I don't love. The darker and more depressing the better. For years I had an aversion to pop, truth be told, I had an aversion to a lot of things. But the Recalibration of Steph brought a more open mindset to the musical side of me.

I discovered I love pop. Like LOVE pop. Dance around the room, sing at the top of my lungs in the car, believe in unicorns and kitty cats love pop.

Me. The 48 year old teacher/mom who wears mostly black and is seriously considering going to Coachella to see Rage Against the Machine's reunion. And taking my will be then 21 year old son.

I confess. I heart Bieber.

So Justin, from the bottom of my heart, I'm so sorry. You bring me joy. You make me believe in love and romance. You make me want to dance in my pajamas. (Pretty sure both my kids are DYING right now reading this and might stage an intervention when they see me tomorrow.)

Okay, Let me Love You? My hand motions to this song are EPIC.

I used to believe

We were burnin' on the edge of somethin' beautiful

Somethin' beautiful

Sellin' a dream

Smoke and mirrors keep us waitin' on a miracle

On a miracle

What Do You Mean? My favorite dance move is to literally go to the left then the right. With hand motions!

First you wanna go to the left then you wanna turn right

Wanna argue all day, make love all night

First you're up, then you’re down and then between

Oh, I really wanna know…

And the song that started this all. Where Are You Now That I Need Ya?

Where are you now that I need ya? Couldn't find you anywhere

When you broke down I didn't leave ya, I was by your side

So where are you now that I need ya?

Where are you now that I need ya?

As I type this now, I am singing with my air microphone.

I don't care. I am having so much fun writing this.

So Justin, please accept my apology for underestimating you. And please go on tour soon.

While I'm at it, I probably owe an apology to Taylor.

I think I might have disliked her more than Justin. Truth be told, I like JB more but Taylor is starting to show her dark side and this is my guilty pleasure T Swizzle song.

I Did Something Bad.

I heard the first lyric,

I never trust a narcissist

I didn't have to hear another word. I was hooked. And my favorite part of this song? The hook. I could sing that hook every day.

Ra-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-da-da

Ra-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-da-da

Ra-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-da-da

Da-da da-da

How can you not get up and do the ra-di-di dance after hearing that?

As long as I am completely bearing my pop soul here and rather sure that those closest to me will be showing up on my doorstep out of serious concern, there is one more apology owed. Dear Backstreet Boys, I am so sorry that I only saw *NYSNC as the only Boy Band for years.

OMG, another Justin. Ok, now I'm starting to freak myself out here with this love for Justins. I only had eyes and ears for NSYNC (they literally were the only pop act I would allow myself to remotely consider). I was so "Bye, Bye, Bye Backstreet Boys,"

Until one of my favorite yoga instructors started playing them in class. Like all the time. I'm pretty sure there was one class where that's all we listened to. She is a mega fan.

One Saturday morning she played Passionate and I heard these lyrics.

Passionate

I can't help it, I need to get my hands on all of it

Need to get my hands on all of it, all, a-all

I'm passionate

I can't help it, I need to get my hands on all of it

Need to get my hands on all of it, all, a-all

They are so much funkier and soulful than I ever gave them credit for. And who doesn't love to snap? This is in the Steph gets ready for a date rotation. So Backstreet Boys, DNA is one of my favorite cds this year (I can't believe I just wrote that, really I can't). Listening to New Love as I write. Thank you for bringing so much fun and soul into my life.

My pop confession is over. I guess the point of this (other than me getting to play some of my favorite pop songs and write) is to have an open mindset. Don't be so quick to not listen to something because it doesn't fit your "image." I am and will always be an indie/alternative girl at heart. The smaller the club, the more my Doc Martens stick to the beer on the floor, the more black eyeliner the lead singer has, and the more depressing the lyrics are, the better for me. Mosh pit? Even better. But there is this other side of me, the wear pink, sparkle highlighter, scrunchy in the hair and dance around with complete joy. Take a pop risk-it might just bring your life some much needed light. And I seriously want to go see Rage against the Machine. They bring out the warrior in me.

See, Steph is still here. With a scrunchy in her hair. Literally.

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