Thank you Dennis, Thank you Dad.

Dear Dad,

I still can't get used to calling you that. I have all of these inner conversations in my head as to what to call you: Dad, Dennis, biological father. Labels. We can get so caught up in the layers of them. Dad seems right. I'm lucky-I have 2 amazing men who call me their daughter. Had.

I can't believe you're gone after only 6 months after we found each other.

I met you only twice. Two times. In 48 years. Yet those two times answered so many questions, and changed my life in the most beautiful way.

On my refrigerator there is a magnet of one of my most favorite sayings, "Everything happens for a reason." I believe that will all of my being. We weren't supposed to meet until we did.

For most of my life you were this mystery. I knew very little about you because my mom for reasons that I honor and respect, didn't want me to know about you. I knew your name was Dennis which I always thought was so weird since my middle name is Denise. I knew I was a Garcia which I always thought was so cool because how much more Mexican can you get than Garcia?? Other than that.......nada. Nothing.

And when I met you and the other million Garcias, so much of my identity was revealed. And my kids. Now I know who they look like. Your oldest grandson? The grandson who loves all things rock and metal and when he finally met you and found out you saw Black Sabbath back in the day and learned of you amazing musical legacy looked at me like so many things made sense to him now. We hauled his guitar 3,000 miles across the country so that he could play for you.

This picture melts my heart. Melts it. Getting to see him play the guitar for you is something that I will always carry close to my heart.

And your granddaughter? Now we finally know what side of the family she looks like.

She is your mother, my grandmother, Vivian. And from what I've been learning, she has her heart too.

I had and still have the most wonderful and supportive family growing up. Amazing opportunities. Loads of love. Yet there were so many unanswered questions.

The music. Yes, the music. I know now I get that from you. From the entire family. You and my uncles breathe music. This has to be one of my most favorite pictures in the world.

There is such joy and brotherhood in this picture. And yes, your grandson is 100% Garcia. The hair.

Then there's the 2 brothers you gave me-and sigh, yes, younger brothers. They have both completely welcomed their awesome older sister into their lives. Listening to them speak so lovingly of you as a father has been a gift.

It's okay Dad, I forgive you for being a Dodgers fan:)

The greatest gift you gave me was sharing my mom with me. And that you were always with me. One day I will explore the details surrounding all of this. But not now. Now I want to remember you, celebrate you. Learn more about the war hero, musician, father, brother, husband, and son.

The loss of you stings and I can only imagine what those who knew you, got to see you everyday are going through. Everyone today has been telling me the same thing: it was such a gift, a miracle of sorts, that our paths finally crossed after so, so long. You entered my life at a time when I was rebuilding it and discovering who I really was. To be fully welcomed into this warm and loving family unconditionally was exactly what I needed.

So thank you Dennis. Thank you Dad. For rewriting a narrative in my head that I had falsely written, for helping me believe in unconditional love again, and for raising such honorable and genuine men in my two brothers, two people who are the most welcome additions to my already amazing siblings. I look at my two now and see a legacy and tradition that I hadn't seen before.

But back to the music. I get it now. I really do. I get where I get my connection to it, how it changes everything in my world adding brilliant hues of color, joy, and melancholy to it. I told everyone after I met you, "Part of my identity has been answered." So I always close with a song. I heard this song for the first time today. I'm seeing them on Thursday and thought, I should listen to their new cd. This song came one and immediately I was transfixed by the simplicity of the piano. Later in the morning, I learned that you had left this world and when I listened to it again, it helped release the tears that I love to hold on to because I am not a crier. At all. I have been listening to this all day. Why? It's the piano. It allows me to feel sad, be vulnerable, and feel. I am so sorry I didn't get to spend more time with you but know somehow that that's what the universe intended. I met you twice. And it completely changed my life and allowed me to open my heart in ways that I hadn't been able to....and allowed me to welcome and experience warmth and joy that I never thought I would again.

I just realized, you're with her now, can talk to her. Deep breath Steph. Please tell her that you've seen us, we are thriving, and we owe that to her love. Tell her not to worry about us. That though I have questions, I understand that the decisions she made were with me at the center. I have 4 amazing families full of lots of love and loving crazy. I couldn't have asked for more in this life. The legacies you both left were of familia. I promise with all my heart that I won't let either of you down. My love and gratitude to you both.

xoxo, your loving daughter

Steph