The Sunday Bucket List

The Wasband (was husband-brilliant huh?) used to always complain that I had countdowns to everything-mostly monumental transitions or anticipated difficult situations, like 9/11.

"Why do you need to always count down to it? It's going to happen either way?" he'd say.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe because my mother was unexpectedly murdered in the worst terrorist attack and after that I'd like to try to emotionally prepare myself for things I know could be difficult. Which makes his departure so......ah, that's another story for another day. And get the popcorn out, it's a doozy of a good one.

Back to my need for countdowns. All summer everyone was so worried about me being an Empty Nester. I understand and was grateful but I was not worried. I was ready. Except for one thing-Sundays. Sunday. A day in New England in the fall full of football, apple picking, pumpkins and in my family, Sunday night dinner. My mom made a big deal out of Sunday night dinners and even after I was married and had kids, we'd make our way over for dinner to her house. It's a tradition I kept with my family. I'd spend hours in the kitchen on Sundays preparing a 3 course meal with good wine and we'd have dinner to the sounds of Arcade Fire and Radiohead. Even after the Wasband left, I kept it. In fact 3 days after he walked out on us I was determined to find some normalcy for the kids and we had one (to CPK takeout pizza but hey seeing how our world had just unexpectedly turned upside down, that was huge). Strangely despite the shock, hurt, and uncertainty, the 3 of us had a great dinner and that's when I started to realize that the Discard was a disguised blessing and we were going to be more than okay. Last fall when the boy went back to college, it was just the girl and I. We made it our own and I literally made variations of pasta, pizza, and soup starring our 2 favorite ingredients: butternut squash and kale. We would spend our day in sweatpants doing work, watching football, Law and Order SVU marathons, and sometimes going to the movies.

Though the kids have been back at school for weeks, this was going to be my first Sunday on my own. After coming off this past week with the 18th anniversary of 9/11 and some other life changes, I was beyond exhausted and wasn't exactly in the "Rah, rah, I am a warrior let's crush this" mindset. I was more in the, "I want to spend all weekend in my pajamas, eat fro yo out of the carton and Hulu all weekend mode." And of course my inner warrior took over and let me down the most unexpected path. And like my new 3 star tattoo behind my ear that signifies following your path, I let her lead.

On Saturday after doing things (things I put off all summer) around the house I had a great time at an old favorite haunt and actually slept in. Until 7. I struggle to sleep past 5:30 most weekends. I went to yoga where once again the message of the mat (OMG not the other one) helped me set my purpose for the day in a room packed full of yogis sweating through the salutations. "Let go of the tension in your body. Let go of the tension in your mind. Let go of the tension in your heart. Just be." It was a beautiful fall day in New England. I kind of had a pumpkin problem and at the grocery store went a little overboard.

I know. I have pumpkin problems.

After making myself an awesome breakfast (and yes I who used to hate breakfast am now like an egg and sprouted toast addict). I just love my new Breakfast Things tee shirt so much.

I decided to take the dogs for an hour hike. Aside from my actual therapy sessions these past 18 months, walking my dogs every day is right behind it. Walking with them surrounded by such beauty gives me time to reflect and watch the joy they have in sniffing everything around them. I mean look at my girl and how happy she is basking in the sun.

And the crazy one? He's just filled with love.

Actually, it kind of looks like he wants to eat my face. But oh how I love his sloppy kisses.

So the neat thing about this empty nester thing? I can do what I want. I had really wanted to see Brittany Runs a Marathon. So I did. I highly recommend it-spoke to me on so many levels. I had decided earlier in the day that I was going to make a dinner that I would have if the girl was still here. So I did. I love to cook and in many ways its also a form of therapy (can you tell I love all forms of therapy?) I made gnocchi with white wine mushrooms and goat cheese.

I texted her and said, "I'm making a veggie pasta in honor of you!"

Her reply, "You're acting as if I'm dead."

Me: "If you were dead, I totally would have added sausage."

Wonder where she gets her humor from huh?

I had such a peaceful day. Like all life transitions, there will always be discomfort-it's necessary to get to the next stage. It's trying to balance what to keep, what to change, and following your path. While on my hike today with the dogs, I did a lot of thinking. As I said, it's been a long week. One of the things I did was make a list, a bucket list of things I want to do this fall. Not need to do, but WANT to do. There is a difference. I had my 6th graders make a bucket list at the beginning of this year of things they want to accomplish. I figured I'd do the same. Here's my Steph's Fall Bucket List (in no particular order):

1. Finish watching Vida. If you are not watching this, start now. It's about about two Mexican American sisters after their mom dies. I know. I love, love the characters. After one sister Lynn finds out a man is trying to close down the bar their mom left them she says to her sister, "Oh he's so going on the Arya Stark list." Yes, I wish with every ounce of my soul that I had written that line. Any my Spanish is getting better too. Totally have "Puta" down.

2. Read one book a month for me. For someone who loves to read I'm absolutely embarrassed at how little I do. Right now I'm reading the latest Jennifer Weiner (one of my favorites), Mrs. Everything.

3. Read one young adult book a month. There are so many great young adult novels out there and I can't keep up with all of the books my kids read. Reading is what connects us as humans and I want to be able to connect with them as much as I can.

4. Blog once a week. Hey, I'm at two this week. Does that make me an overachiever?

5. Run a 5k with beer at the end. Such high goals I know. Watching the movie today made me realize how life changing training for a marathon was for me, well in my case 3. I have no desire to run a marathon, but a nice fall 5k with some beer at the finish line sounds lovely.

6. Write at least 2 hours per week for whatever project decides to finally come out of my head. I have one million ideas. One just hasn't decided to jump out yet.

7. Have a Reiki session. I've been reading a lot about it and it totally intrigues me.

8. Binge watch The Handmaid's Tale. EVERYONE I know raves about this show and not what I finally have Hulu, it's time to watch.

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9. Crow pose. I've come so close so many times. I just can't seem to get it. I typically fall on my face despite the best intentions (a recurring theme in my life). I've been told it will come to me when I'm ready. (Psst, I'm ready.)

10. Attend one concert a month. So aside from real therapy, dog therapy, cooking therapy (oh and how could I have forgotten retail therapy???), musical therapy is a must. In July I saw Steve Miller, August brought Shawn Mendes and Cage the Elephant and Beck. This month so far I've seen Kacey Musgraves (she was perfection), and this week am seeing Bastille and Bloc Party. Bloc Party was a total last minute decision made today. You see I had really wanted to see Phantogram two weeks ago and didn't because it was a school night, the year had just started, etc. I of course completely regret it because every day I listen to You Don't Get Me High Anymore, Make a Fist, and Blackout Days in a 3 song rotation at least 20 times a day. I love Bloc Party and they're playing Silent Alarm first song to last and Silent Alarm is probably one of my top 10 cds of all time. I do not on Friday morning want to wake up with regret of not going. So yes, I'll be doing 3 shows in one week, 2 in 3 days. Maybe next weekend I'll finally get my wish of pajama hibernation (probably not but a girl can dream right?) That's okay. Live music invigorates me, makes me feel alive, and yes, is healing.

This one's a no brainer. The first 45 seconds of Helicopter-I can't even.

I don't know if there will be a mosh pit but if there is..........add it to the bucket list. Make yourself a bucket list. Make yourself accountable for YOU. And have fun doing it.

Namaste.

#bucketlist #pumpkin #vida #livemusic #blocparty #therapy